excerpt from, single and fabulous?

(unearthed from the archives of My So Called---Angst)

i have always been known as the person who never misses out on things. whether they be social gatherings, latest trends or for this matter... romance. but if there's one true thing that i know about myself, it's that i'm not exactly the person other people think that i am. i could be missing out on some of life's coolest events and i wouldn't know it myself.

now... let's discuss romance. have i been missing out? or have i just not found the right guy? not THE right guy. just, RIGHT now anyway. but, seriously... i'm in a major slump here. and if it weren't for my mind blowing sexual episode with my fuck buddy a couple of nights ago, then i'd be a major loser! i'm saying loser, in the context of me supposed to be not being a loser. in all honesty... i haven't had a steady boyfriend in all my life. it's always been me chasing after someone, or playing hide and seek, or just getting laid... but it's all either daunting or empty... i mean, the sex is great and all, but i'm looking for somethin' greater than that. and i may have a potential candidate in one kid, (no! not who you're thinking!) but with the way we got started, makes me think twice about his real standing.

that's me... the guy who's not supposed to have missed out on anything... and this is me, the guy who's not exactly the guy who's not supposed to have missed out on anything. (try reading that last phrase again, it's a mouthful) i once told a friend that i'm still waiting for the right guy, but you and i both know better... it's a big fat lie. and now, i stand somewhere between single and fabulous, question mark... and single and fabulous, period. what if i'm just telling myself this? what if i'm not even fabulous? what if i am, just... single. period.